3 Ways to Use Positive Peer Pressure to Crush Your New Year’s Resolution
The end of January comes every year to hit us at light speed, and if you are anything like me, that is actually a breath of fresh air. Extended family has been kicked out of the house and ~finally~ all remnants of them are gone. And thank goodness because if I had to do one more laundry load of sheets or towels…
The holiday decorations are not cluttering up the living room anymore, and the beauty of the humdrum routine has set back in. But (and its a big but) for most of us, the end of January also means the final straw of our New Year’s Resolution.
In fact, 80% of us won’t make it past this month! But WHY? And how do we fix it?
Resolution setters have been studied and it turns out there are a couple reasons we end up ditching our goals so soon. Most people are not setting specific enough goals, making it hard to nail down what ‘achievement’ looks like. And when things get willy-nilly we often don’t know where to start, making the whole experience stressful.
Stress related to lack of support, is another big reason why we resolution setters suck at sticking with our goals. New Year’s Resolutions shouldn’t be stressful, they should be exciting! Starting fresh and doing something fabulous is amazing, but reality strikes (usually right around now) and we realize change is actually pretty hard. In comes waltzing our excuses, poor coping, bad habits, and BOOM- we have successfully kicked our resolutions to the ‘screw it’ curb.
The looming question is how do we ’80%-ers’ actually make healthy changes and stick with them? Well, remember when you were a kid and your parents scared the crap out of you talking about the pitfalls of peer pressure? Surprise, science is actually on peer pressure’s side when it comes to positive behavior changes.
Yup, one of the best ways to relieve the stress around making a big life change (hello, New Year’s Resolution) is to build your social network and increase the support of family and friends. And maybe a little pressure from them to stick with it.
If you are hanging on to your resolution by a thread as we round out the first month of this year, you are not alone! And if, like me, you really want to keep on trucking, I suggest succumbing to peer pressure in 3 simple (but effective!) ways. Come on, we will do it together!
See what I did there…
Effective Peer Pressure #1:
“Should it from the rooftops”
Having support from the people around you is huge in achieving anything, especially if its tough. Ready to run your first 5K? Goal to quit smoking this year? Finally going to read the 32 books you’ve accumulated over the last two years that have done nothing but collect dust yet lack of self control allows it to keep growing? Okay, maybe that one is just me… Regardless of what your New Year’s Resolution entails, make it a measurable goal, then tell everyone who has ears. Especially tell those you look up to and admire.
The more people who know about the change you are making, the more people there are to support your journey. Some of those people are there to give you the extra nudge when you need it, and some people are just that popular girl from high school on your Facebook, increasing your own motivation because you are so not going to let her know you failed.
If everyone in your family, at work, school, your child’s daycare, and your Instagram know you are making a change, there is a lot of opportunity for positive peer pressure to keep you with it.
There are multiple types of support a friend can offer during a big change including emotional, instrumental (or a physical helping hand), and informational. These types of support help ease stress and anxiety when big changes get tough, and the more people in your circle, the more support you will get.
Sometimes you might just need to vent about the hardships of staying the path. Other times you may need someone to physically drag you out of bed at 6am for that workout class you promised you’d attend. Asking too much of just one person runs the risk of support fatigue and that isn’t fair to you or your friends and family. Besides, you need your closest support network extra sharp for when you are really struggling!
Ultimately, you are the only person that matters for your healthy behavior change. The only person you should worry about disappointing is yourself. But it sure can be motivating to think about what Becky with the good hair will say if she finds out you ditched your resolution already.
Effective Peer Pressure #2:
“Get a battle buddy”
Getting a ton of people to hold you accountable in different ways is an excellent motivator. But, having 1 person who is tied to the same New Year’s Resolution- someone going through the same constant struggles and victories- that is gold. Getting yourself into the right mindset to take action on this healthy behavior will be easier with someone by your side. We are creatures of habit and routine, and shaking that up to make a healthy change is a battle. So, get yourself a battle buddy.
The battle to a healthier you is going to be stressful! Throwing a wrench in our hard-and-fast set ways is stressful. The military uses battle buddies for every soldier. Someone is always there to watch your back, keep you out of harms way, and pull you from the trenches.
If it works for them, why not us? Studies clearly show that stress surrounding change is a huge factor for relapsing to previous behavior. Managing that stress is vital for your New Year’s success. Want to quit smoking this year? Getting your partner to quit smoking too increases the likelihood of longterm results!
Your battle buddy will help pull you from the trenches of stress, watch your back for temptations, and help keep you on course. And it is your job to do the same for him. When you have someone to motivate, your own motivation increases. You say a bunch of encouraging words, remind your partner that it isn’t so bad, give tips to stay motivated. Then suddenly you realize you have fired yourself up in the process, and you believe your own motivational speech. Fake it till you make it, baby! Having someone to motivate you is awesome, but motivating someone else is just as powerful.
Effective Peer Pressure #3:
“Invest in a behavior group”
What behavior change did you choose for your New Year’s Resolution? What vice are you exchanging for a new healthy habit? You can pretty much bet that no matter what you have decided to change, there is an app for that! Groups like Weight Watchers, AA, Beachbody, Noom, local running meet-ups, gym classes and countless others have capitalized on one major scientific concept. People experience better results when they are part of a support group. When you have a network to rely on, changes are easier.
Investing in a Social Support Group, be it in person or online, you can get motivation in multiple ways. Community support is proven to increase the likelihood of change, but monetary motivation doesn’t hurt either. Personally, I am money motivated.
If I spend my hard earned cash, I better get my money’s worth! So if my resolution was to improve my golf swing by practicing once a week and I invest in a local golf training group, you better believe I am getting myself out the door because I am not wasting my money! But money isn’t the only motivator here.
If you sign up for a group to help you make a change, the other group members are there to motivate you to continue reaching for your goal… and to come back for another meeting next week. The important part of investing in community support is to really invest. Day 1, meet the group leader, talk to the other patrons and make connections. Grow your support network! You already have to shout your resolution from the rooftops, so you might as well spread it like wildfire through your newfound group. They are all there for the same thing you are, so you might even find your battle buddy among them. Someone is bound to have the same resolution as you, right?
Be mindful of the type of group you invest in to ensure it lines up with your goals. Joining a bookclub to read those 32 dusty books might be a little counter productive unless you’re the one choosing the book each month. But hey, at least it gets you reading more through the year!
You Can Do This
I know that putting yourself out on a limb can be scary. Plenty of people don’t want to discuss their New Year’s Resolution with anyone in case they end up failing. Some people even believe keeping their resolution to themselves may increases their chance of success. An ‘I can do this on my own’ mentality might be more your typical style, but I am here to tell you that the science behind social support doesn’t lie. When change gets stressful, we need to lean on others to get through it.
For some, the thought of another person seeing them sweating and struggling on a treadmill is too much! Or what if you hate every book the club chooses (or heaven forbid none of the other members want to have a cocktail while discussing). What if you join that golf class and miss the ball when you swing. Every. Time. I get it! It is human nature to not want to admit failure, or to fail in front of someone else. Sorry, Charlie. The evidence is clear- letting people help you when you are struggling actually increases your chances of overall success, even if you have mini setbacks along the way. Hey, no one is perfect!
If you build up the right support network, they won’t consider your setbacks failures. Sharing your hardships with others takes the stress away, softens the sting, and gets you back on track faster. And celebrating your success with that support network can give you such a feeling of pride and endorphins, you may never want to go back to riding solo again.
